For as long as I can remember MY LIFE HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE, starting with my traumatic breach birth with the cord wrapped around my neck.
My childhood, my teenage years, in workplaces, in making decisions and finding a life partner the pattern is struggle, control and push until it’s done, achieved or conquered.
I spent my early years pleasing others, blending into the crowd, hiding behind my ordinary “plain jane” self. I pretended everything was OK in school, at home and within myself.
I lacked confidence and self-esteem and withdraw, failed to take risks, missed opportunities and instead stored criticisms in my emotional memories. I felt unworthy of happiness and so began the creation of my archetype of self-sabotaging. I let fear of failure and rejection, invade my being and I contracted in moments I should have expanded.
Each time I lost a piece of my authentic self and disconnected from my intuition.
Amidst all this, struggle – I found clarity in having a clear direction & an inner knowing from 12 years old that I would dedicate my career to helping others. It was no surprise when I chose to study Psychology. Working with young people was my passion, my joy and my hearts calling. While I had a foundation of psychology principles my abilities lay in instilling them with a sense of hope and belief that they are the creators of their life. My gift was to empower them to reconnect them with their inner knowing, let go of the pain of their story and transform lives.
MY LIFE CHANGED WITH ONE CONVERSATION when a new friend planted a seed of “travelling the world” in my mind. This notion soon became a possibility and quickly a non-negotiable for my soul.
I can’t explain expect that it was a force greater than I, an inner voice that I could not quieten or control. It was begging me to let go of the way I thought life was supposed to be and embrace a new dream of travelling the world.
I consciously chose to take the first big risk in my life and swapped the dream of marriage, 2.5 kids and happy ever afters for an adventure of a life time. So I broke up, packed up and moved country all within the space of a few months.
The fire within me was ignited again, and it I felt good be alive.
I set off on a UK working visa with nothing more than a one way ticket and backpack. It was exhilarating, to have no plan, no accommodation, and no job to hide behind! I savoured every experience, every wonder of the world, every ruin, pyramid, building, church, lake, ocean, valley, it was all spectacularly perfect and it all happened with ease.
I went where my heart led me. I returned to myself and was finally free to let go my inhibitions. My self-confidence grew with every new experience, every new tribe member I met along the way. I found parts of myself that in places I had never even heard of. Travelling the world taught me life is all about the journey not the destination
I returned to Australia a new and wiser woman, I was alive, happy and in my flow. This feeling continued for many years UNTIL THE MAC TRUCK EFFECT HIT NOT ONCE BUT TWICE!
I met and fell in love with a wonderful but mentally ill man. I surfed in this wild ocean for several years, by savouring the good moments and drowning in the bad. I gave so much of myself away that I became disconnected from life, family, friends and myself. I lost my flow, my lust for life and myself in this heartfelt journey.
Just when I thought life couldn’t get any wilder, MY SECOND MAC TRUCK HIT. This time I slipped on a chocolate milkshake and hurt my knee. My emotional pain now turned into a crippling physical pain.
I felt the pain in every atom, every cell and throughout my whole being and as a result I managed to manifest Chronic Pain Syndrome.
I had hardly been sick in my whole life so I did what I knew at the time and gave the responsibility of my health to the mainstream medical system. I went to many doctors explaining my pain, I followed their advice, had surgery several times, endured many painful injections and took way too many painkillers.
I had very limited movement in my leg, I was unable to walk without a painful limp, I lost my independence as I couldn’t drive or work. What the doctors failed to address was my emotional state, at the time I was engulfed with depression, loneliness, and regret. I became a shell of my former outgoing, adventure seeking and fun loving self.
The moment I was assessed as having an 11% disability, was my rock bottom. I vowed to take control of my health and to find my inner strength, I commanded my life back. I abandoned my life as I knew it. This was the moment that my authentic journey began.
Again I broke up, packed up and moved out alone. I cried enough to tears to fill an ocean. I gave myself permission to be embodied my aloneness, sadness and grieved unconditionally. I let go of the control, I took off the mask and I stopped putting on a brave face. I surrendered to my broken heart and the remnants of my shattered life.
After three months I was left with nothing but an, emptiness inside. But I was ready to admit to myself that was scared, completely alone and disconnected from myself, my family and friends and my life.
As a counsellor I knew what I needed to do to move forward with my life but I couldn’t physically do it. I knew I needed something different. I was guided to a friend who was a Kinesiologist, even though I didn’t really know that she did or how she could help.
What happened in the very first session can only be described as a miracle. I walked in one person and walked out another.
Yes it was challenging, yes there were uncomfortable and painful moments, and yes there were some tears. But I chose a new adventure – this time it was one within. I said yes to taking off my mask, yes to getting vulnerable, and yes to getting REAL with myself and my life. I was rewarded with potent AH HA moments, inner clarity, and a new sense of direction.
I emerged a changed woman, with my inner strength back and a burning desire to discover more of this new way of being.
As with everything in life, in perfect time soon after my kinesiology experience I was made redundant from my job of six years and was guided to enrol in a Diploma of Kinesiology. Throughout my studies, I thrived in the challenge of journeying within.
I delved into the deepest, darkest parts of myself to find my lightest brightest version of myself. I learned to accept and find my power within my vulnerabilities to create a fulfilling and purposeful life.
For the last few years I have been surfing a very messy wave in a wild ocean again, this time of transitioning from Youth Practitioner to Kinesiologist. For this journey I was guided to Sound Bath therapy, which for me was a profound journey of expression. I was lead on a journey to find my voice, express my truth, and expand my presence out into the world.
My pattern in life of contracting in the moments I am meant to shine was still evident. In these moments, fear of failure and rejection, overwhelmed, my physical body and emotional being, I would lose clarity and brain integration and eventually shut down and give up.
I chose to transform, shift and delete that limiting belief, through Kinesiology.
I have now surrendered to the source of divine energy within me that is busting to express its uniqueness and creativity in the world.
I am so grateful for every experience in my life, for every time I have taken the scenic route, for every mistake, every opportunity, very high and every low. I now have an understanding it has all been leading me to trust my inner wisdom and give me the courage to dive in the deep end.
I now choose to fully step into my soul purpose and I offer Kinesiology treatments in a beautiful space overlooking Coolum Beach for you to journey within and find your flow.
My message is whatever adventure you chose in life, don’t settle for ordinary because the extraordinary is waiting!